The saddest part

The worst thing is that you made me doubt myself. You made me distrust my intuition. I pondered your love in my heart for many nights before I fell head over heels. I believe you can't control who you fall for, but you can practice self preservation to a degree, and I maintained myself for a long time before I gave in completely.

And then the last thing I ever thought possible, and in the worst possible scenario of its occurrence... actually happened. Afterwards I couldn't trust myself to believe someone if they said the sky was blue.

I know myself better now. I've surprised myself with the confidence I have in what I believe. I still believe every moment we had. I believe that you really did love me...I believe we truly were and are soul mates. You have such serious, unacknowledged issues because of your family that you couldn't trust me, or yourself, in the end.

I remember looking into your eyes and seeing your soul. In that moment my soul looked back and knew it had found what was missing. No matter what you tried to say the reason was for leaving me, I know it, even if you can't admit it to yourself. True love is scary, especially when you've never experienced anything close.

A friend once told me that we have three soul mates in the world, and that's something that for whatever reason makes a lot of sense to me. Sometimes you meet the first one and stay together for the rest of your lives...other people are never able to make it work with anyone they meet. And that's where the choice comes in. Even when love is meant to be, circumstances aren't right and not everyone is strong enough to go through the obstacles to make it work.

For a while I didn't want to acknowledge any of this, because ultimately it's more painful to me. To know that we truly had something beautiful, something that I will never find with anyone else. Though I do believe there is someone else out there for me, it's different. It would have to be, just because no two souls are the same. It will be a different love, if and when it comes. As much as it hurts me to know this...I have to say it out loud. Because otherwise I will live the rest of my life constantly second guessing my judgement of people and of my own heart.

I will move on. I'm in love with life too much to give up hope. But what brings me some peace is that I know with great certainty that some day you will look back on this and know what you lost. I want you to feel the loss I have, and know that you were wrong. I want you to feel the stab of regret at losing my love. I don't care that we will never be together again, I just want you to learn something about yourself, and not deny what you know in your heart to be true.

Don't you dare forget me.