My Island

I do not possess the island, it is more like it possesses me. For 7 months it consumed my thoughts and was never far from my mind. Guam, the land of my lover. Hated, envied, and coveted, there was nothing more I wanted than to get there.

I remember the first time I flew into Guam. It was around midnight. I could see the lights of downtown Tumon from the plane, but not much else. My heart was racing, I broke into a sweat and had to hold back tears of elation as I prepared myself for the moment I had been dreaming of for so long. I have never felt so alive as that first moment I stepped off the plane and the humid air engulfed me.

My feelings about Guam are complicated. I would never have been here if it weren't for the man who broke my heart. I was thoroughly, heedlessly in love. More so than I ever imagined I could be... and then my whole world came crashing down. Despite having so many memories of the island intertwined with those of my ex, I still love this place. I fell in love here, but not just with him. I am completely besotted with this island.

The ocean spray in the breeze, the sunlight washing over my skin, the sand beneath my feet...it all felt like home from the first moment.

My first night in Guam we stayed at the Hilton. There is a bar, the TreeBar, downstairs, right on the edge of the beach and the pools. There was a fire show, dance show and music. We slipped around the entertainment and I had my first swim in the Pacific Ocean. It felt like bath water, and was the saltiest, most delicious thing I had ever tasted, especially on my lover's lips. We held each other and let the ocean hold us in its warm embrace. I closed my eyes, felt that Pacific breeze, the light of torches dancing behind my eyelids and the primal drums and chants coming from the shore...in that moment my world was an enchanted dream. I will cherish that memory forever, though it hurts me every time I remember. "If I could hold time in a bottle" I would live in that moment forever.